4/14/2026
My first blog post! I knew when I initially created this webpage, that I wanted to add a blog tab. I've edited to my hearts content and I was finally able to add one! Recently, life has felt like a blur; I've hardly had the time or energy to make any sort of posting online. My personal life is undergoing many changes- I'm moving out of the current state I am living in very soon and I recently purchased my very first car. I've been driving alone for the last few weeks. It was definitely a huge adjustment- and I am still adjusting. To preface, I've only had my license for about a year now. I practiced a few times (in a friend's car) before I passed my driver's test. Before that, I had not driven in a decade and even then, I never felt comfortable doing it. Since I've had my license, I hadn't driven either. So, driving out of the lot of the dealership was my first time in nearly a year. It has somewhat become a sense of normalcy to me now but I still have moments where I am like, "Wow, I am driving my car and this doesn't feel real to me". I haven't driven on the highway or the interstate. I've not looked at a map on my phone. Hopefully implenting these things in won't be too challenging.
In some way, I am still a teenager in a 31 year old's body. I've had to teach them everything I have learned, and most things I've learned the hard way. I've had to reclaim my life, little by little. Some of the hardest lessons, I am still grieving. I've held on to my personal vision and beliefs tight enough that things have somehow worked out for me thus far, although the circumstances were never kind. The trade offs were never ideal. My past has been an uphill battle, my present keeps me on my toes, and my future is made of goals that I feel determined to accomplish. I definitely need more joy and fun in my life. Being a trauma survivor has hardened my perspective and has made it difficult to take risks without it being complicated. I'm working to become more soft. I'd like to experience new things, build strong emotional connections with others, and embrace where I am in my lifetime while figuring it all out as I go along. I look forward to where I am headed, although I am clueless as to what awaits me there. For now, I'll leave it at that. Until next time. XX

4/25/2026
Decided to type a new entry tonight to get some thoughts out. I canceled my plans to move across the country and now, I will be staying here in Texas for the time being. A gravitational pull is keeping me here for now. I've been in Texas for the last six years. I hardly have any friends in the city I live in now (I've lived in one other city here) and I work most of the week. It's hard to make concrete choices about my future at the moment. I'm sort of just... surviving and trying to enjoy my experience as a person as much as possible, even when it's been difficult to do so. I feel I should keep myself open to staying autonomous and focus on what I really desire, even if it comes with sacrificing instant gratification- a percieved sense of happiness that is false, if you will. Circumstancially, things need to feel right. I completely trust in divine timing. Things will fall the way they should, in time. I keep my heart open and keep myself focused on what matters, in the meantime. Besides keeping myself in alignment, I wish I had a friend to grab coffee with sometimes. It would be nice to chat about the mundane, current hyperfixations, or to exhange random little bits of knowledge.
I hope living alone again goes well. It's been a couple of years since I have done that. I did miss having an entire space to myself, and keeping an entire space clean. It's nice for the sense of satisfaction. I also really, really, reaaaally want a cat. So maybe will be getting one as well, which I feel very excited for. I think it'll be good for me, especially transitioning into this stage of life. I'm sure I will feel even more lonely than I do now and that depression will creep it's way back to me. Having a bit of company would be nice. I'll miss how things were, but I'm excited to see where things will go now. That's all I have for today. XX