My parents were both in their later teenage years when I came into the world. I was raised in an extremely small, southern town and predominantly raised by my grandparents. The town I resided in was a very isolated place away from most of the other influences of the world. I had many social and aesthetical influences from adults when I was young, but the influence of my father's mother impacted me quite the most. She was the type of woman that woke up every day at 5:30 in the morning; she would make her coffee immediately and start putting on her makeup. Sitting at the table with her coffee mug in hand, she would line her lips and mascara her eyelashes. I loved my grandmother so much that whenever I was in her care, I would always want to be near her- whether it was to partake in whatever chore she had to do, or to watch her do mundane things. She would share her coffee with me, even if I was only aloud a sip. According to my grandparents, I also wasn't aloud to go to the store with my grandfather, because I would somehow always come back with a doll.
My grandparents grew up in the 50s and the 60s. My family was considered poor, so a lot of things in the household were generally older. I grew up around old vintage TVs and ovens. A lot of my grandmother's clothing was older, as well as the style of her makeup was considered to be more of a traditional fashion.
My love for vintage came young, since I was around so many different aspects of it. We watched black and white shows often. I mostly remember watching 'I Love Lucy'. As a little girl, I loved dolls and playing dress up. I would ask my grandmother to put her lipstick on me when I would play. I was somewhat androgynous even as a child but overall, I expressed myself as feminine by nature. Doing so allowed me to step into a world that was much less boring. I really believe that my grandmother's influence helped me embrace my sense of inner femininity, growing up. At a certain point in my childhood, I also began to watch horror movies and reading fantasy novels. I liked the sense of escapism it brought me. The plots were fascinating and the aesthetics were something I became interested in. I'm equally as into those things now. 'Hellrasier' was by far one of my favorite horror films as a child and still is.
Upon becoming a teenager, the internet was quite influential towards me. I remember spending hours on MySpace when I was thirteen. I frequented the public library often and would spend hours on the computer there afterschool. This was before I had a desktop computer or a laptop at home. The types of people I would see online and learn about there were far different from the types of people I knew in my own physical life. That exposure really pulled me into different realms of reality. I became more familiar with goth and alternative subculture and found a sense of a haven there. I felt I was able to relate to these influences more than I was able to relate to other influences in my physical life. I also learned a lot about pin up and burlesque around this time. I felt very passionate towards both of these things, although I was young. Conceptually, the art and culture of these things were something I was drawn to. There were many women who were apart of these cultures that I looked up to, but I specifically felt inspired by Bettie Page and Dita Von Teese. My favorite stores to shop in were either thrift stores or Hot Topic. My hair was dyed my two favorite colors: black and blood red. I started to wear makeup for the first time in middle school. I would wear thick, cateye eyeliner and red lipstick. I've always been pale, but I would wear the whitest shade of foundation I could buy and white, translucent powder. When I was fifteen, I bought my first MAC lipliner and lipstick. I've since bought and tried many different brands, but I do remember that being my favorite at that time. As a child and a teenager, music was always something that influenced me, whether that be aesthetically or inspirational. I would dissociate away from the mundane of every day life and listen to music for hours. I had a CD player and a Zune mp3 player. Two major influences are Tairrie B. from 'My Ruin' and Lady Gaga. These women musicians really inspired me the most. The music they released has always had major influences on me. There are plenty of other musicians that I could name that inspire me and that I have spent decades listening to, but the list would be too long for me to list here. There will be a music tab here on my webpage, added at some point in time where I will dive into those depths.
